Do you want to know the difference between extended and distant family members? In this, post, learn which of your relatives are in each group, and in which circumstances the definition can be flexible.
While I’ve always been mildly interested in genealogy, my intense focus on my family tree began almost ten years ago. Since then, I have heard many people incorrectly refer to their extended family members as distant family.
It drives me a little crazier than I would like to admit, since I have spent the last ten or so years doing family tree research. In other words, I spend some time most days thinking about people’s relationships to each other.
I’m hoping that this article can help clear up some confusion about this topic, and that it answers the questions that you may have about extended vs. distant family. Please note that this article is intended to provide insight into the language that people actually use to describe relatives, and is not meant to be interpreted as a sociological or legal definition.
Language matters when it comes to family
When it comes to describing our family relationships, the language that we choose to use is important. We can create distance with our words, even when it would otherwise not exist.
For example, if I refer to a close relative as distant family, or a sibling as a “half-sibling”, I automatically create a distance in our relationship even if I don’t mean to. The same is true for referring to extended relatives as distance family.
We might not always feel a close relationship to all of our close and extended relatives, but it is important not to add extra distance between us by using the wrong words to describe how we are related. The way that we view our relatives will shape how our children view family, too.
What is extended family?
An extended family member is anyone in our family that is not an immediate relative, such as a sibling, parent, or child, and who is not a distant relative. Our extended family is typically everyone who we would expect to see over the holidays, or at a family reunion.
Some people use additional terminology to further distinguish between extended relatives. For example, you might hear “close relative” being used to describe our parents’ immediate relatives, such as our grandparents, aunts, uncles, and first cousins.
At the beginning of this article, I mentioned that I often hear extended relatives being described as distant. This almost always happens when I hear people describe the children of their first cousins, who people often erroneously describe as second cousins.
Examples of extended family relatives
Most people consider the following relatives to be extended family. The exact people who you would put in your extended family category might vary slightly.
- Sometimes grandparents, aunts, uncles
- First cousins, their children and grandchildren
- Great-grandparents
- Great-aunts and uncles
- Great-great aunts and uncles
- Second cousins and their children
- Sometimes, third cousins
Family is complicated and often requires a bit of flexibility. Some families have lived in the same geographic region for many generations where several generations of cousins grow up knowing each other, in which case even more distantly related cousins might be considered to be extended family.
In my family, I wouldn’t include my grandparents, aunts, uncles, my cousins, great-grandparents, or even my great-aunts or uncles, in my extended family category. We were very close to all of these relatives while I was growing up and it feels strange to add distance by relegating them to “extended” vs. close family.
At a certain point, you have to decide what works for you!
What is distant family?
A distant family member is someone who you consider to be a family member and who is related to you as a third cousin once-removed or more distantly or who has nine degrees or more of consanguinity with you.
Examples of distant family relatives
Some examples of distant relatives include:
- The children and grandchildren of our third cousins
- Fourth cousins, their children and grandchildren
- Fifth cousins, their children and grandchildren
- Sixth cousins, their children and grandchildren
- Seventh cousins, their children and grandchildren
- Eighth cousins, their children and grandchildren
We could, of course, include additional distant cousin relationships in our list of relationship types for distant relatives. I chose to stop at 8th cousins because we are unlikely to be able to identify many people who are more distantly related to us.
In addition, we have a large number of cousins as we go further out than 8th cousin relationship distance. For example, any given person could have as many as 1,000,000 9th cousins, making being related to any of those individuals relatively insignificant.
Some people might choose to stop defining a person as “distant family” at a closer distance than 8th cousin. We might have around only 17,000 5th cousins, which could make a good stopping point, as that is way too many people to invite to a family reunion!
Other people might find themselves flexible as to who they include in their distant family. For example, some people may have gotten to know some of their very distant cousins through family tree or DNA research and may feel a family connection with them.
Conclusion
I hope that you have found this article about extended family vs. distant family, and the definitions of both, interesting.
If you have any questions about something that you read in this post, or if you would like to share your opinion about where the line between extended vs. distant lies, I would love to hear from you in the discussion below.
Thanks for reading today!